TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN!!!!
(UNFORTUNATELY IT PROBABLY WILL OR HAS)
LOST IN THE DAMNEDEST PLACES
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
to the dispatcher:
They’ve stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal
and even the accelerator!” she cried.
The dispatcher said, “Stay calm. An officer is on the way.”
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. “Disregard,” he
says. “She got in the back-seat by mistake.”
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
the 96-year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come
up and see.”
She starts up the stairs and pauses, “Was I going up the stairs
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never
get that forgetful, knock on wood.” She then yells, “I’ll
come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”
No,” the second man replied, “it’s Thursday.”
And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a drink “
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now
don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends for a long
time, but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought
and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your
name is.” Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes
she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon
do you need to know?”
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Ernie,
I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way
on Interstate 77. Please be careful! “Heck,” said Ernie, “It’s
not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be
losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light. “
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light
was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger
seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred,
did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You
could have killed us both!” Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh,
crap, am I driving?”