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Editor: Paul Lifschin @ PaulLifschin@msn.com

If you wish, we can post it as anonymous. But, we do need to verify that you live in Fillmore Gardens.

Kosher Computer

 

I don't know if you know this, but you can now purchase Kosher computers! They are made in Israel by a company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is so low, even with the shipping from Israel!

However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are used to, such as:

  • The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go!! I'm not getting any younger!" button


  • You hear "Hava Nagila" during startup

  • The cursor moves from right to left.

  • When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the best you can do?"

  • When you look at erotic images, your computer says, "If your mother knew you did this, she would die."

  • It comes with a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises it gets rid of all the "schmutz und drek."

  • When running "Scan Disk" it prompts you with a "You want I should fix this?" message.

  • After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC goes "Schloffen."

  • The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.

  • It comes with two hard drives - one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).

  • Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC now gets "Ferklempt."

  • The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!" corner.

  • When your PC is working too hard, you occasionally hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!"

  • Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.

  • When disconnecting external devices from the back of my PC, you are instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."

  • After your computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

  • But best of all, if you have a kosher computer, you can't get SPAM

Website by Paul Lifschin